Is it my fault?

Here's a story about a weak heart.
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When you really like someone, have you ever feel or do this?
You think about them frequently, mostly every night before you sleep,
You care about them without realizing it,
Even you dream about them in your tight sleep....
And you smile every time you think about them, even when only remembering their name,
and you never notice it.


I don't know, if this is a bad or good decision, to have this feeling for you. You, yes you.
They say you are not a good person,
and honestly, it's not that I don't believe it,
but I just believe that there must be good sides of you.
And I care about you, you know?
I look for you when I enter the class, I look for you when I go out from the class.
And when you are not come, it dissapoints me.
Sometimes, stealthtily, when my friends don't know, I check your absent list, and it always full.
And I just laugh a little. :D

You're funny,
and you're smart, I believe it.
But, just attend more classes, please.....
And do your assignments.....

So I can see you a little more :(


Maybe I fall in love too fast,
but I also don't want it, you jerk. :(
Why is it you? Why is it now?
I also never know the answer.
But, is it wrong?
Tell me.

Maybe they will say, that we don't match each other.
Maybe they will say, that I'm not good for you, or you're not good for me.
But is it my fault?
Tell me.

If I'm asked, "Will you get rid this feeling if you can?"
I'm also not sure.
Because sometimes, I'm happy with this,
but sometimes I'm sad.

You wanna know what makes me sad?

Because I don't know anything about you.
I just know your 'bad' side :(
I even don't know if you're single or you're taken.
I don't know who to ask, I'm embarassed :'(

And the worst part is, you also don't know me, right?
And you even don't wanna know about me.
Because you don't need me.
You're not having the same feeling for me.

Miserable.

More I want to end this feeling, more and more I feel it.

And do you know?
Last night, also the other night, you came into my dream.
And it's a nice dream :)
So, thank you for it, at least :')


Ketika, kurasakan sudah, ada ruang di hatiku yang kau sentuh
Dan ketika, kusadari sudah, tak selalu indah cinta yang ada..
Mungkin memang, ku yang harus mengerti,
Bila ku bukan yang ingin kau miliki,

Salahkah ku bila kaulah yang ada di hatiku?

Adakah ku singgah di hatimu,
Mungkinkah kau rindukan adaku,
Adakah ku sedikit di hatimu?
Bilakah ku mengganggu harimu,
Mungkin kau tak inginkan adaku,
Akankah ku sedikit di hatimu?

Bila memang ku yang harus mengerti
Mengapa cintamu tak dapat kumiliki,

Salahkah ku bila kaulah yang ada di hatiku?

Bila cinta kita tak 'kan tercipta,
Ku hanya sekedar ingin 'tuk mengerti
Adakah diriku singgah di hatimu?
Dan bilakah kau tahu,

Kaulah yang ada di hatiku....

(Maliq n d'Essentials - [Untitled])

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

Cinta,  cinta, cinta.
Cinta itu sebetulnya karunia dari Allah. Cinta sama halnya dengan semua hal-hal di dunia ini, pada waktu dibuat, dilahirkan, atau diciptakan, semuanya berdasarkan tujuan baik. Manusia pun begitu. Semua manusia waktu dilahirkan, semuanya adalah orang baik. Gak ada manusia yang diciptakan untuk jadi jahat. Makanya, ada kata-kata, "kejahatan itu tidak dilahirkan, tetapi diciptakan". Percaya deh, gak ada koruptor yang emang punya cita-cita jadi koruptor. Pasti awalnya dari kepepet, kepaksa dilakuin, akhirnya ketagihan.

Balik lagi deh ke cinta.
Kalo orang bilang mahadaya cinta, cinta itu buta, bikin sakit, bikin galau, bisa bikin orang jadi gila, bikin orang rela mati, dsb. hmmm. Gatau ya, menurut saya sih, itu gak begitu bener. Saya percaya, cinta diciptakan oleh Allah bukan untuk menyakiti manusia. Cinta, seperti halnya nafsu, bisa kita dikendalikan, kalau kita mau. Bukan dipaksakan lho ya, bukan dipaksakan untuk ada atau tidak ada. Tetapi DIKENDALIKAN.

Manusia itu makhluk paling sempurna karena memiliki tiga hal lengkap yang tidak dimiliki oleh makhluk lain. Hewan cuma punya hawa nafsu. Malaikat cuma punya akal dan hati nurani. Setan cuma punya akal dan hawa nafsu. Manusia punya tiga-tiganya. Alangkah baiknya kalo tiga hal ini seimbang terus, bisa dikontrol dengan baik oleh kita, manusia.

Masalah cinta lagi. Kita emang gak bisa milih ya, cinta itu kita kasih buat siapa, cinta itu mau kita adain kapan. Saya gak tau, saya juga bingung, apa Allah juga yang menciptakan rasa cinta itu, atau semua cuma ada aja secara alami, kayak insting gitu. Tapi ini cinta yang bener-bener cinta lho ya, bukan cinta 'terselubung'. Misalnya ngomongnya cinta, padahal cuma cinta sama duitnya, atau cuma cinta sama gantengnya atau cantiknya aja, atau sama ngetop nya aja. Banyak lho.
Kalian semua udah prnah ngerasain suka atau sayang yang bener-bener belum? Atau cinta tak bersyarat namanya. Cinta tak bersyarat inilah yang terasa seperti ini. Yang sering dibilang orang 'mahadaya'. Gak tau darimana, kapan, atau kenapa datengnya. Tiba-tiba suka aja, terus jadi sayang aja, cinta aja.
Cinta tak bersyarat ini berlaku bagi orangtua ke anaknya :)

Nah, masalahnya cinta ini sangaaaat berpotensi menjerumuskan kita ke dalam hal yang negatif. Karena cinta itu diciptakan persis di tengah-tengah tiga hal yang dimiliki manusia tadi: akal, hati, nafsu. Seolah-olah cinta ini kayak ada di ujung tebing, tinggal jatuhnya mau ke mana aja, tergantung manusianya aja.
Kalau jatuhnya ke nafsu, paaaasti negatif. Bunuh diri gara-gara diputusin, tawuran gara-gara rebutan cewek, atau sampe *naudzubillah* hamil di luar nikah, itu semua apa kalo gak gara-gara nafsu. Hati nurani doang gak pake akal juga bisa jatuh ke negatif lho. Misalnya, nnnggg  istilahnya tuh "diperbudak". Orang bisa diperbudak karena hati nuraninya dimanfaatkan, oleh 'pihak tak bertanggung jawab', krn sebenarnya dia orang baik, yang gak pernah mikir-mikir kalo mau bantu orang. Tuh, akalnya gak main kan? Tapi akal doang, gak ada hati nurani repot juga. Ntar kebanyakan mikirin diri sendiri, kebanyakan perhitungan kalo mau nolong orang.

Makanya itu tadi kendalikanlah sebisa mungkin cinta itu dengan baik. Dan jangan pernah mengutuk yang namanya cinta, cinta itu sakit, dsb. Karena itu tadi, cinta gak diciptakan sama Allah untuk menyakiti manusia, tapi sebaliknya, sebenarnya untuk membahagiakan manusia.
Tapi karena kita punya tiga hal tadi, jadinya cinta itu jadi ujian buat manusia :)

Buat yang masih galau galau, tenang aja, itu alami kok, pernah dialami semua orang. Asal tadi, kendalikan. Jangan galau, terus sakit lah, apa lah. Curhat gak tau tempat lah.

Buat yang punya pasangan, diarahkan lah, cinta itu ke hal-hal yang baik-baik aja. Jangan gampang kebawa nafsu.
Buat yang baru putus, tenang aja, semua luka pasti bakal sembuh kok, asal jangan kebanyakan dikorek-korek ;)
Buat yang dikhianati, terserah mau beri kesempatan lagi atau tidak kepada pasangan anda, silahkan tanyakan hati nurani anda, dan jangan pernah menyesali keputusan itu :)
Buat yang jomblo, hehehe, semua bakal indah pada waktunya kok guys ;)
*masalahnya saya sendiri jomblo


LOVE is very very abstract, but, it always sounds nice, isn't it?
Love, loving, lovely, lovable. Haha :D
So, instead of saying "love hurts" or "love sucks", let's say "love teach me these new lessons :)".
Love is the one that will heal the pain anyway, right?

Love your life, live your love.

Peace :D

*tidak ada pendapat yang salah kan? yang ada hanya penyampaian yang salah, bener gak?*

The Ugly Truth

Hey, everybody.

There is a girl.
Just an ordinary girl. Very ordinary. Flat.
She's not too pretty, not too smart, not too funny.
She's silent instead.
She's also can't sing, terrible at sports, you know.
She used to be taekwondoin but,
actually she's not too good.
She only has silver medalies, not the gold ones. So she isn't that good right?
And her stamina is terrible.
So, she's not get much attention, especially by the boys.

She's not good at speaking. I said it, she's silent instead.
So now, she's in college's freshman year right now, and she hasn't made any close friends, or some group, yet.
No, no, not because they're mean, they bully, no. It isn't something like that.
She's just not comfortable yet.
Yeah, comfortable.
Because she's just want to spend her life with the ones who make her happy,
not with the ones that she has to impress.
She hates being forced. How can you make friends because you're forced?
Sucks.

She's also sucks at speaking, public speaking. She's bad at chatting with new friends.
She's sucks at a group discussion. She always loses to her friends, so her opinion is never been heard.
Yeah.. Because her friends are smart too.. They know what they're talking about, they have experiences, they have knowledges, and she isn't.
She's really terrible.
She's always think too much, she isn't have confidence.
She isn't critical. She even doesn't have confidence to ask some questions in class.
And she's bad at joking. She can't jokes. She's not funny, not cool, I said that, right?
So, don't ask again why she can't easily make friends.

But, at least, she's pure. She's honest. I said HONEST.
She dresses as she wants to, she dresses comfortably, not because of the trend, or not because her friends tell her it's good.
She says 'don't know' if she's really doesn't know, she says 'don't have' if she really doesn't have, and she says 'don't want' to, if she really doesn't want to.
She goes by public transportation, and she's doing it okay.
And, she's not using the f***ing BlackBerry, and once again, she's okay with that.
She hates being forced. She's independent.
She loves being herself.

But you know what, now she's trying to fix everything.
She'll learn, learn everything, to make her personality get better.
She's learning how to speak. She's learning how to write.
She's trying to make friends, to chat, even though it still sucks, but she's TRYING.
She won't force to joke, she's just will try to relax, to be comfortable, to be confident :)
She will also study, make her brain better, to get more and more knowledge.
She will get good grades, she will get a scholarship. She will succeed.
And she will doing it step by step :)
She won't rush. Why rushes?
And she will always be herself. She will get better, but she won't change :)

You know what, she still have friends.
Although it's only a few, she's very close to them.
She tells everything to them, and will do anything for them, if they need some help.
They mean everything for her.
She loves them,
purely.
Just like sisters :)

And...... She misses her high school friends, her bestfriends absolutely :')
She thinks about them everyday, she wants to meet them everyday.
But it's hard. They're all busy.
And you know what, they are always be the best friends all over the world.
They, are, the, best :)

And the best part is, she believes in God :)
She prays everyday and won't get tired.
And she have her parents,
the ones who will always be there for her,
who always love her, no matter how sucks their only daughter is.
And she will try hard to make them happy, to make them proud :)

She will always remember that, step by step.
And if something bad happened, or something burden her,
she will just smile, and, relax :)


*You know what, this posting may come out again someday, in this blog, or everyday.
Because this is very important, for her :)