Quarter-Life Crisis: Already???

So... Here I am. Sitting in front of my laptop, in my bedroom, accompanied with a cold drink that is almost ran out, in the evening. On Monday. It's 17.55 when I started to write this post. And apparently, this is the most thing I have been doing these days. I even rarely go out.

I am now in the most relaxed period of my life. Which is also the most confusing period of my life at the same time. I am 22 years old. I will be officially graduated from college with a bachelor of law degree, soon this weekend. Actually I finished my undergraduate thesis 2 months ago, and since then, all this time I only wait for my turn for graduation ceremony, or precisely, to get my academic certificate. I can only get it on the ceremony, there is no other way.

This is the period of time when all I see in the chat groups are bunch of job vacancies shared by friends (sometimes I share some as well). This is the period of time when I meet my friends, now the popular topic that talked about are job vacancies here and there, or job fairs that held here and there, or some of other friends that already accepted in this or that company.

And... Of course. With no exception, this everyone-is-looking-for-a-job situation affected me as well. Not that I also a part of that situation, nor I also go here and there looking for job like everyone else. But all I got is only the side effect of that situation, because now, I am not doing what everyone is doing... Yet. And that side effect is: confusion.

It is not that I don't know what I want to do after I graduated. I know what I want to do. I have a clear picture in my head of what I should do. When I should do those. But the problem is, the timelines. The timing. There are actually two options in my head. Option 1: preparing for scholarship application. Option 2: internship. I just don't know what I should do first. And also, in the first week of November, I have a volunteering activity in the far western part of Malang (around Malang-Blitar border).

Talking about Option 1, it is my dream to study overseas. I always wants to learn. I love learning. And as far as possible. And I want to share what I have learned with other people. It is just been a habit, especially after I joined Student Press in college. Since then, I got used to think critically, to read, to write what I know, to have group discussions with friends- from simple daily topics to giant-complicated-philosophical level topics, and to always figure out that the more I learn about something new, the more I feel that I actually know nothing. I love that environment and I always want to be in that environment. That's why, I want to take an overseas graduate scholarship and after that, I want to teach. I want to share what I have got with a lot of people, to make it useful.

Talking about Option 2, I want to have an experience. Not just a work experience, but also learning experience, live-in-another-city-by-myself experience, to-survive-by-myself experience. You know all this time I live with my parents, and I can't even drive motorcycle or car, yet, I don't have a license. So I go almost everywhere with my father. I feel dependent. I hate that. Therefore, I want a job that do not "tie" me around, a job that I can leave in less than a year, but enough to give me those experiences, and a job I can choose based on issues that I interested, so that I still can pursue my dream to study overseas. And the best choice for that is internship. I want to work and do something and get experiences after graduation, not just staying at home. I can learn english and do preparation for the scholarship immediately, but I just feel that it is not enough.

But I don't when should I start to apply for the internship. The best time is after the volunteering project done, because I don't want to abandon my intern job on Monday, especially when I am an intern who just started in- maybe three weeks (the volunteering project is held on Monday). But is November too long after the graduation? But I also worried that if I make my decision to be an intern around November, it will be take my time to prepare for the scholarship. But if I decided to prepare for the scholarship immediately, I just feel that I do not have enough to go overseas. My mental still was not built well. I live with my parents all this time, just being logic.

I just don't know what I should do first!!!!!

That's it. Two of most confusing choices of my life, because apparently my future lies on those bloody choices. And the confusion of how I should manage the timings.

Ah... Is this what they call the quarter-life crisis? Is this happened already to me?
You know, worrying and confused about the future... Stuck in the choices, between passion and urge to survive in life... Overwhelmed with what of our friends who are in the same age already do or achieve...

Yeah, my rant is over for now. For all of you, who are stuck in the same phase as me, hopefully you get to decide soon. Hopefully you can choose what you want, without worrying about the risk that you will face future, without worrying of what others would say. Hopefully all of us can be brave.


Malang,
November 19th, 2016, 18:53.